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Have you ever felt a grief so profound that you just wanted to disappear? Not in the sense of ending your life, but in the sense of escaping the world that feels too bright, too loud, too full of life when yours feels shrouded in sorrow. Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz captures this sentiment perfectly in her poignant poem, "Three Months After."
This animated interpretation of the poem brings Aptowicz's words to life, giving voice to the raw, visceral emotions that accompany loss. The animation, directed by Naghmeh Farzaneh, acts as a visual companion to the poem, enhancing its impact and allowing the viewer to connect with the speaker's pain on a deeper level.
Elopement with Grief
The poem's opening lines immediately draw you in, painting a picture of isolation and despair:
"To want to disappear is different from wanting to die. To disappear and to not have to explain to anyone, to talk to anyone."
Here, Aptowicz masterfully articulates the desire to withdraw from the world, to escape the well-meaning but often burdensome expectations of others. The speaker doesn't want to die; they simply want to exist in their grief without the pressure of having to explain or justify their pain.
The poem then introduces a powerful metaphor, personifying grief as a companion:
"To elope with this grief who is not your enemy. This grief who maybe now is your best friend. This grief who is your husband, the thing you curl into every night, falling asleep in its arms."
Grief, often perceived as an adversary, is reframed as a source of comfort, a constant presence in the speaker's life. This unconventional portrayal of grief as a partner, a lover even, highlights the all-encompassing nature of loss and the profound loneliness it can bring.
The Rawness of Feeling
Aptowicz doesn't shy away from the rawness of grief. The poem doesn't offer platitudes or easy answers; instead, it delves into the depths of despair, acknowledging the desire to escape from the overwhelming pain:
"To go to that place where every surface is a blade. A sharp thing on which to hang your sorry flesh to feel something, anything, other than this."
These lines are a testament to the intensity of grief, the desperate yearning for any sensation, even pain, to break through the numbness.
Finding Connection
"Three Months After" is a powerful exploration of grief, offering solace and recognition to those who have experienced the disorienting and isolating effects of loss. It reminds us that grief is not a linear process and that finding solace in unexpected places is a valid part of the healing journey.
If you're struggling with loss, know that you're not alone. Reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or grief support group. There is strength in sharing your story and connecting with others who understand your pain.
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